I felt compelled to sit down and write because I’ve been more suicidal recently than I have been in some time. Last year when I was going through SSRI withdrawal and an enormous upheaval of my entire life at the same time, I was also quite suicidal. I honestly don’t remember if I addressed it directly - it would have been around the time that I started this website. That was a different flavor of nuts. That was almonds, this year it’s cashews.Read More
Right now, I’m standing in the middle of an abandoned highway. The headlights on the horizon are unmistakable - my depression, barreling towards me at a blinding 100 mph. On the other side, a pair of tail lights are all that’s left of my anxiety, retreating into the darkness. I’m clutching a prescription for Ativan and discharge papers that say the same shit as every other time I’ve made my husband sit in a sterile room into the wee hours of the night with me - “ANXIETY DISORDER UNSPECIFIED”.Read More
Today we’re going to talk about the Big Gun of meditation - vipassana. Vipassanā is Pali for “Insight,” and it’s what we work to develop if we hope to one day obtain enlightenment. This sounds like an absurdly lofty goal but it is absolutely obtainable. And truth be told, even if you don’t make it all the way, you will gain many other “mundane” insights and fruits that make sitting worthwhile.Read More
If you take one and only one thing away from this post, let it be this:
The most important thing is that you meditate.
How you do it, what words you use to describe it, your posture, all of that is secondary. Yeah, some styles have different focuses and once you make a habit out of “sitting” (by the way, I’ll use this term a lot but you can meditate while walking, laying down, standing - I’ve literally meditated while pumping gas before, so keep that in mind), then you can start to sift through the centuries worth of information. In the beginning, though, it’s all about getting your ass to the cushion (again, metaphor!).Read More
Over the course of my life, I’ve had four therapists. Two not so great, two pretty solid ones that helped me learn to take different streets. The first great one was in junior high - and while I was still a BIG OL’ MESS after I stopped seeing her, she was the one who first taught me how to take responsibility for my part in my problems and stop playing the victim. The second great one was around age 22 - his downfall is he ended up NOT accepting me as the victim when I told him about how I was raped but he is the one who gave me my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) diagnosis and a really solid understanding of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools.Read More
Hey gang. With the holidays upon us, it’s easy to get overwhelmed so I wanted to share a quick and dirty guide to some basic Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills aimed at helping you withstand grating family members, travel anxiety and endless societal expectations making all of us feel stressed to the max. Of course, these tips will help you regardless of the time of year so feel free to bookmark and refer to this quick reference when times get tough.Read More
TW: Suicide, Self harm
Someone told me once, “You taught me to love suicide.”
They went on to clarify that my intense suicidal idealization as a teenager exposed them to the fragility of life and how to face the thought of death without turning away or pretending it didn’t exist. This was a wildly profound thing to be told and obviously it stuck with me.